The Ugly Brown Shoe Chronicles

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

30 is the new 20... Right?

Eddie Murphy once said his favorite word was “new”. Who wouldn’t want to be new? Have you heard “30 is the new 20”? It means even if you are 30 you can act, look and dress like you are 20. Well, twenty-year-olds dress like teenagers in baby-tees, low cut skinny jeans and flip-flops. Overall their clothes are lightweight and small. Teenagers don’t mind showing their cleavage, stomach or booty. After all it is brand new and it seems nobody minds looking at it. The idea is…“ I can’t help I’m sexy… I just am”. But the 20 year old is playing dress-up and the character is a fantasy chick, a dim witted, sex pot. I call her Candy because her fashion and style invites all suitors to “come and take the candy away from the babe”.

A couple of years ago, I went shopping and found the cutest little t-shirt and tried it on. It was so cute I bought it and wore it out of the store. I felt fresh and sexy “I had it going on” until I caught a glimpse of myself in a large floor to ceiling mirror, “ you talkin’ bout a hot mess”. I looked like “Caught-up Grand Candy”. I ran to the car and retrieved my original top and gave the cute t-shirt to a teenager. This experience made me realize I am not the new 30 or the new 40 but 42. When I want to be “I am grown and sexy”. I know when to turn it on and when to turn it off. Unfortunately, it is off most of the time.

Don’t misunderstand me, I like looking my best but there is a reason it is called my best. Beauty does matter to me but comfort and practicality does too. My fashion goal for everyday is an 8 on a 10-point scale. Sadly, I will admit sometimes I am walking around at 4. I am a real woman not a bombshell, my clothes and accessories provide coverage and help me to be me. I am equally cool, quirky and helpful to my neighbors and friendly as I can be. I am an assistant to the elderly, a toddler chaser, and third party negotiator. I don’t like it when I bend over and my pants to slide down my ample behind. If I address a stranger, I am instantly uncomfortable if they take a tour of my exposed cleavage. The last thing I want to do in the world is walk a mile in high heals. “30 might be the new 20”, but when I was 20 I didn’t mind walking down the street in 3 inch heals trying to look like my feet didn’t hurt. I am wearing my ugly brown shoes, yoga pants and hoodie. I am sexy as I want to be but my sexuality is my secret. When I was 20 I wanted to be a “bombshell”. If I could go back …I would not show all my secrets, spend all my money and give all my candy away. I would take better care my teeth, skin, exercise and eat healthier food.

Yes, I like looking good, I want fashionable clothes a lovely fragrance and sassy shoes. I don’t think it is possible to have too many pairs of shoes? When I look around at the younger women with the exaggerated hair weaves, lace front wigs, acrylic nails, false eyelashes, too little outfit, 3½ inch platform heals and exposed ‘tits’ and ‘ass’. I ask myself, “What the hell happened”? Could it be my fault? When I was living “the 30 is the new 20? Yes, my style and fashion was not maturing and I did not give the younger women anything to look forward too. I made 30 and later 40 look like a graveyard because I was dressing like a kid. But I learned…“it takes a lot to be a 10 everyday and only God’s blessings can make you 20 when you really are 30, 40 or 50”. Grown and sexy folk need to man-up and show the younger sisters how to be soulful, skillful, classy, comfortable and sexy at the… same… damn… time.

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